Saturday, May 25, 2019

A Little Etiquette #Humor #Advice #LazySaturday

Good morning, my Sexy Nerds!  

Wow, it's been over a year since I've been able to converse with you.  It feels pretty good actually.  I want to thank so many of my fans that have reached out to me this week and sending me their shout outs and words of encouragement.  It really makes me feel good that many of you actually missed my crazy ass and respected the work I do for the indie author.  Thanks so much!  It's good to be back!  

Since it's the holiday weekend and most of us are enjoying a lazy Saturday, I thought I would bring you this story to add a bit of laughter in your life.  So, sit back, pour you some tea/coffee (or something a little stronger) depending on your time zone, and let's get to it!  👌

As most of you know, or at least you should by now, after I lost Mello & June, I changed a great many things in my life.  The first thing I did was go a little crazy, but afterward I decided to rejoin the gym.  I used to live in the gym when I was in my twenties.  I absolutely loved lifting weights and sweating it out.  Then as the years rolled on, I got married and life happened, and suddenly, the gym just didn't quite fit into my everyday normal routine.  I know I'm not alone in that!  😱

So, I struggled getting reacquainted with the whole scheme of things.  As a matter of fact, I struggled a lot because the gym wasn't quite the same as it was over twenty-five years ago.  Everything is electronic now.  I'm like WTF?  What happened to just going to the weight rack, selecting the size you want to use and start your reps.  Ooooh no!  So the trainer is taking me around the facilities trying to get me acclimated to the equipment and I mentioned to him that the gym sure has changed.  Every piece of equipment he brought me to was coded with these yellow markers which is to signify to the user you must set something before you begin to use it.  Of course, all the machines I used had yellow markers.  He showed me how to set them to my comfort level and I began routine.

The dumb bells don't look quite like the dumb bells I used to use.  The ones I'm using are more like a ball on the end with a triangular handle in which you can lift with one hand or use both.  The way I see some of the users squatting and swinging these dumb bells makes me nervous that it will fly out of their hands and into someone or something, but this is the new way people work out.  I'm just glad to see people actually doing it.

Once I began getting a rhythm for my routine, I observed how members interacted and watched what machines they used and their overall actions about the place, and that's when I discovered something.  When I workout, I'm in a zone.  I tune everything out around me.  Perhaps in this day and age, I should be more alert of my surroundings, but it's just been the way I like to exercise.  I have my music blasting (at a comfortable level) in my ears, and it's me and the weights or it's me and the eliptical, whatever it is I'm doing.  

So, other members began noticing me too.  It's natural to observe other people, but is it natural to compete with each other?  Case in point, I warm up using the eliptical machine.  For those who do not know what it is, it's a cross between a stair stepper and a treadmill.  It's excellent for the gluts and thighs.  Anyhoo, I'm in this one section of the gym that many members barely use, that is until I started using it.  Next thing I know, I've got women on my right and women on my left trying to keep up with what I'm doing.  I don't recall being in competition with anyone.  I'm just getting my workout on and minding my business.

In case you're wondering what I mean by competition, it's the fact that I don't just do the "normal" working out when I workout.  I dance.  So how does one dance on an eliptical, you question?  Well, it's all in the movement.  So when my music starts and my body warms up, I move to the rhythm of the music.  I specifically chose this section of the gym because I know I can really go all out when I'm zoning, and my movements and my intensity may disturb others.  Well, I suppose they didn't like the fact that the men obviously watch me workout, which again, I can't control where anyone's eyes move, but I suppose they want some attention.  If you don't know, I'm happily married, so it really doesn't mean anything to me if men watch me workout or not.  But apparently, it bothers some of the other women.

Now I got these heifers trying to do what I'm doing.  Well one woman liked to fell off the machine trying to pop up and control the pedals.  My legs are hella strong, so I can dance and move on the machine without holding the arms, but this chick tried it and liked to killed herself.  I tried not to laugh but I'm like lady please give up.  You will never be able to control that machine the way I do.   Others have tried it and they have failed.  So if that wasn't bad enough, once I do about forty minutes on that machine, I head over to the treadmill.  

Of course, I'm good and warm and I'm ready to tackle that sucker.  I get on and hear my music and I start dancing on the treadmill.  I do not stand in one place and just walk.  Where is the fun in that?   One day I liked to lost it when Beyonce's Before I Let Go came on.  OMG!  I thought I was gonna wear the treadmill out.  I was soak and wet by the time I finished that workout.  One headband isn't enough to keep the sweat at bay.  I can literally ring two or three of them out when I'm done.  As you can imagine, here come the Beckys and Suzys trying to dance on the treadmills.  I mean, what's up with that?  I love to dance.  I always have, so when I workout I incorporate dance into my exercises.  I'm not at the gym to compete with these damn women.  I don't give a good sh*t what the hell they are doing.  Just stay the hell outta my space, you know.

Wouldn't you know it, I'm jammin' to Bey, and one of those heifers passes gas so bad that when I'm breathing in, the taste of that nasty smelling foul sh*t liked to choked me.  I'm thinking ooooh so this how we gonna do.  You mad 'cause I'm enjoying my workout so you pass flatulence to try and get me to stop.  I know it was the woman to my immediate right.  So I said, ok, you wanna play hard ball.  Let's play.  When I tell you I was stomping on that treadmill and turning around and doing slides and really going all out like one of the HBCU majorettes on the field, the next thing I knew, she gathered her water bottle and got the hell off.  That will teach you trying to stop my groove with your nasty smelling farts.  I continued my workout, did you?  😜😝

Ok, so my ninety minutes was up on the floor.  It's time to hit the showers.  Yasss, my body was so ready for that hot steaming water.  Usually around this time, the locker rooms start filling up because people want to get home for the evening.  And I'm just going to put this out there right now so that we are all on the same page.  Ladies, listen to me now!  Please do not try to have a conversation with me with your lady parts swinging in my face.  Uh-ah no!  I do not hold conversations with nude women.  If that's your thang, by all means, have at it, but it is so not mine, and out of respect, please have a damn towel on or robe when you want to address me about anything.  I cannot do breasts in my face.  Ooooh hell naw!  There's this one chick that seems to think this is cool to do and it's so not cool.  Why would you want to  hold a conversation with another woman with your breasts out for the world to see?  What do we need to talk about while your hairy bush is out there.  I mean seriously, ladies?

It's almost like they want me to say something because their body parts are right in my face.  I don't like that, no I don't!  Oh, and can someone please explain to me why you think it's ok to leave shaving cream and soap suds all in the shower stalls and/or sanitary napkins or tampons.  Yassss, I've discovered these types of things in the shower stalls.  It is so friggin' gross!  Who were you raised by, wolves?  Hell, that's probably an insult to wolves.  Didn't your mama teach you anything?  Sheesh!  My God!  😠

I realize it's been a hot minute since I belonged to a gym, but I tell ya the more things change, the more they stay the same.  I see the etiquette in the locker rooms haven't changed at all.  It's just sad to me that people have to behave this way.  I don't get it.  Have a little courtesy for other people.  This isn't your private gym.  You share it with other members as well.   Seriously, some of these simple minded women are mad at me because I'm doing my thing.  Well you know what, get your own thing and do it to death.  Don't hate on me because I enjoy what I do.  If you don't like it, don't come near me.  Stay in your lane and I guarantee you I'll stay in mine.  

For the last few weeks this has been weighing heavily on my mind and that's when I knew I needed a blog again so I could write this post.  I missed being able to kick it with my readers and laugh about the craziness in the world.  It's nice to break up our discussion of books routine. 

Well, I certainly hope I brought a few minutes of laughter to your life today at my expense, naturally.  I've been laughing quite a few times as I write this to you.  And of course, you know how we get down.  Open a book and get mind blown! 

Happy Reading!

Have a Safe and Pleasant Memorial Weekend!

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