Good Morning, Bellingham
By Marina Raydun
Genre: Literary Fiction
When Peta goes missing, a two-decade old secret threatens to rip at the seams and come out in the open. Relationships are tested as one dysfunctional family comes together in search of their daughter, sister, and wife. What they find instead will change each one of them forever.
Peta’s
Journal Entry
I want
to fall asleep. Rather, to fall asleep and not wake up. Ever. I just want the
wheel to stop turning. Correction— it should feel free to continue turning, but
I want off it.
It’s
ungrateful of me. I don’t need you to remind me of that, Dr. Burgos. I know all
about second chances and how precious they are, and how my daughter needs me
despite her full-time nanny. I know, I know. And yet, here I am at half past
midnight, eyes open and on the monitor showing a grainy black and white image
of Gwenny sleeping with her arms thrown up in the surrender position, wishing
to just fall asleep and call it a day. Kind of permanently. Peter, I feel for
but don’t dare look, is on the other side of the bed, curled up in the fetal
position. I don’t need to look to know this. I’m half expecting to see him
sucking his thumb if I actually turn in his direction. And I sit up and write
this all down, instead. I’m beginning to resent you, Doc—you really
could be helping me with this. Sometimes a crutch is necessary; I’d give it
back when I’m good and ready, I promise. I’m fully aware of how happy I should
be. I should at least be happier than I am, right? Something tragic happened,
but, hey, look, something good is here, instead. Take it! Let’s make the best
of it, no? I’m trying, I’ll tell you that much. I am trying. Some
pharmaceutical magic would surely go a long way here, but I can’t be expected
to beg. I’m just saying, my mind would be quieter, and a quiet mind is a mind
I’d kill for at the moment.
It
wasn’t easy bringing Gwenny into this world. Harry took a couple of
enthusiastic fifteen-minute amorous nights, whereas Gwenny took almost three
exhausting years. They’d become mechanical, our attempts. There was some light,
some humor to it when it was just us trying to become three, but, after Harry,
we no longer bothered to even look at each as we did it, there were no big
productions made, no words (loving, dirty, or otherwise) uttered. Forget that,
I’m not sure if we even knew why we kept going. There was a goal and we were
set on accomplishing it like the professionals that we are. So, every other
night, like clockwork, we each did the bare minimum we knew would get the other
off before curling up on our respective sides, our backs barely touching to get
our requisite six hours of sleep before having to wake up at 3:30am to make it
to the studio on time and wake up the rest of Bellingham Bay. Once there,
makeup would be stippled on and everyone would proceed to pretend to forget
that we were the couple who’d buried their son not a year ago, not two years
ago, and so on. Obviously, eventually the right sperm found the right egg and
ta da— Gwenny. No, not Gwen! Never Gwen! Gwenny. This pink and translucent
newborn lay in my shaking arms and all I could do was blink. She looked like
Harry, but blonder. Something in my throat constricted and the rest became
route. I think I’d stopped looking at Peter some time around then, too. But I
can’t help but wonder—what if having to fight for something this hard means you
weren’t meant to have it to begin with? When does determination become
arrogance?
I’m so
tired, Doctor. I am not making sense. I want to fall asleep. And not wake up.
Ever. Do you have anything for that? Oh, that’s right—you’d rather not medicate
and mask the symptoms because you would much rather heal. Well, good luck with
that. If not medication, can you at least give me a distraction? Anything to
make the wheel stop.
About the Author:
Marina Raydun’s published works of fiction include a compilation of novellas One Year in Berlin/Foreign Bride, a suspense novel entitled Joe After Maya, and a two-part series, Effortless. Born in the former Soviet Union, Marina grew up in Brooklyn, NY. She holds a J.D. from New York Law School and a B.A. in history from Pace University. She is an avid music fan, a cat lover, and an enthusiastic learner of American Sign Language. Whenever she is not writing, Marina enjoys spending time with her family, catching up on Netflix, and baking.
Links:
Website: www.marinaraydun.com
Twitter & Instagram: @Author_MRaydun
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Marina-Raydun/e/B00DL7F2CU?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1565979080&sr=8-1
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