Facebook Dating: from 1st Date to Soulmate
By Dr. Paulette Sherman
Genre: Relationships, Mind/Body/Spirit
About the Book
Dr. Sherman says, “Facebook Dating’s mission dovetails with mine, to help singles date mindfully, with consideration. Singles can then attract their best match joyfully, peacefully and authentically, creating a heart-centered relationship. Facebook Dating enables singles to mine for meaningful matches based on common points of interest, shared groups, events and mutual friends. It’s an intentional community that moves daters beyond swiping for hookups to forging sustainable relationships, encouraging meaningful conduct in an already safe space to connect with family and friends on a daily basis across the lifespan. Facebook will use its extensive personal data to create meaningful matches. They’ve put tools in place to help users eliminate common annoyances. They have a pause button to avoid dating burnout, conversation starters, ways to avoid harassment and online strategies to deal with an ex. Singles can date mutual friends and singles at shared events and groups of interest.
“This book helps singles navigate dating stages & issues, while learning about themselves. Paulette teaches that once singles are calm, positive, present, self-reflective and non-judgmental the ups and downs of dating won’t deter them. They become aware of underlying factors that influence their choices and observe their feelings to see if they want to shift them. They reflect on their self-esteem, boundaries, honesty, relationship patterns and standards. Mindfulness makes dating painless, because all suffering comes from attachment to an outcome. When you accept the present moment you enjoy planned and unplanned outcomes. Sherman created over 20 mindfulness practices around dating issues like anxiety, trust, rejection, breakups, fear of judgment, jealousy, dating multiple people, self-love, a fear of commitment, the need to please, dealing with bad dates, knowing when to get physical, when to become exclusive, when to move-in, get engaged and more. This practice helps singles use consideration over impulse & Facebook Dating puts singles together to jumpstart this adventure.
Sample Book Excerpt from ‘Facebook Dating: from 1st Date to Soulmate.’
Create Your Profile:
You’re going to create a snapshot of yourself so that someone can quickly get a sense of your essence. They will be able to quickly tell something about your energy, personality, interests, what you’ll be like in a relationship and what you’re looking for in one. You’ll also list some of your interests and a question or Call to Action at the end so that they have something to respond back with, in order to begin a conversation with you. On Facebook Dating you can add in some optional information like your height, religion, job title, company, education, children, as well as to answer questions. This fleshes out your dating profile and gives you a structure to fill it out. I recommend that you put in as much information as you can. If the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn’t you love to know this same information about a prospective date?
The first part of creating your profile is taking and choosing some photos. More than half of daters won’t open a profile without a photo and profiles with a photo get double the response. So, you’re doing yourself a disservice by not posting several pictures. People with a full body photo get 203 percent more messages. Outdoor photos get 19 percent more messages. The first picture of you should be the most flattering. The second picture can be you doing one of your interests and the next can be with your pet (better for women than guys surveys say). It’s great to post between 6-12 photos but no more than 12. Men fare better when their pictures look away from the camera and smile, whereas women should look into the camera and smile and the photo can be taken from a higher angle. Most people don’t use a professional photographer but you can if you want to, just make the photos relatable, casual and make sure they look like you. Some clients told me there’s a free site called, Photofeeler that helps you rate your photos by gathering opinions from unbiased voters. There are separate categories for business, social and dating photos and you can test each photo for ratings on 9 traits. But no matter how you choose your photos, put up some and don’t hide. It may seem superficial to focus on photos but the first two things that initially attract online dates are pictures (49%) and common interests (65%). This doesn’t mean that you have to be gorgeous or a model—others might be attracted to your smile or eyes—just take some time to put up a flattering picture.
Before we go on to craft your actual profile, write out your interests. Be honest and don’t pretend to love sports if you don’t. Your interest might appeal to dates even if they aren’t shared. For example, you might like to cook and they may love to eat. They may just illuminate what’s interesting or lovable or unique about you too. Your interests can include hobbies or just things you do regularly and enjoy. It gives prospective dates a sense of what you do on your free time, who you are, as well as possible conversation topics and related date ideas.
1. Put up at least 6 pictures.
2. Be positive about yourself and the relationship you want.
3. Be specific about what you’re looking for.
4. Keep it relatively brief.
5. Take the time to fill it all out well.
6. Correct your grammar.
7. Put a question or “Call to Action” so that dates can respond.
1. Don’t be negative.
2. Don’t be sexual.
3. Don’t leave out pictures.
4. Don’t lie on your profile.
5. Don’t talk about your ex.
6. Don’t sound overly picky.
7. Don’t act insecure.
When you’ve completed your profile, celebrate and press send!
Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, Relationship expert, dating coach and author of, Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books and 21 others. Her books are published in 6 languages & won 14 awards. She has a private psychotherapy practice in Manhattan and does international phone coaching on relationships. Sherman has twenty years of experience as a psychotherapist, was an adjunct professor at two universities and pens a monthly Relationship column at Eligible Magazine. An expert on television including Channel 11, Fox 5, the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show, NPR’s Cityscape, Unity Radio’s ‘The Soul-Directed Life, Pathways and others, her advice has been quoted in MSN.com, USA Weekend, NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Vogue, Teen Vogue, Foxnews.com, NY Daily News, Fox Business, Crains, Better Homes & Gardens, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro newspapers, P&G Everyday, Men’s Health, Men’s Fitness, Muscle and Fitness, Marie Claire, Allure, Seventeen, Men’s Fitness, Bustle, Woman’s Day, Web MD, Everyday Health, Elle, Psychology Today, Complete Woman magazine, Aaptiv, Well & Good, Fast Company, The Knot, WeddingWire, Best Life, Guideposts, Refinery29, JDate, Spirituality and Health, Mind Body Green, Om Times, Spirit and Destiny, Martha Stewart Weddings, Brides, Business Insider, New York Magazine, Redbook, Reader’s Digest, The London Times, Oprah Magazine, the Huffington Post and the NY Times. Dr. Sherman lives in NY with her husband of 12 years and their two children. Visit her website at www.DrPauletteSherman.com
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